Together Forever in Spirit

Today is a sad day indeed. I have lost my best friend of nearly eighteen years: My cat Bro. He finally succumbed to his ordeal with chronic renal failure (CRF). It hasn't even been a year since he was first diagnosed with it. He was doing pretty well until about 2 weeks ago, when he very suddenly started going downhill. He'd experienced slumps before but a little TLC from Mommy always made him come back around. This time, it didn't. I kept giving him syringes full of special food and milk, and even took him to the vet for a dose of subcutaneous fluids, but he just didn't respond to it. In addition, he started pulling away from everyone and hiding in Mom and Dad's shower. I know from experience that hiding and pulling away are typical behaviors cat exhibit when they know they're going to die. But, Mom and I continued to play nurse and made sure he was eating and drinking, even if it was just a comfort measure. I had a talk with Broey and told him that, if he was ready, he had my permission to go, but I wasn't going to help the process along. I was going to continue to give him food and water and care for him because it's the only way I know how. Last night was definitely a winding down period for him, as his breathing was shallow and he refused to even swallow his food or milk. I tried petting him and talking to him, but he yelled and moved away. It was obvious he just wanted to be left alone. I finally told him, if he was so miserable, to just let go and not worry about fighting any more. I didn't want to see him suffer, and I wasn't willing to perform any "mercy" killing (i.e. euthanasia). I believe animals know when the time is right better than we do, and we need to let them go on their own rather than play God.
Well, Mom went to her bathroom at 5:30 this morning to check on him, and he was still there, talking to her. She told him she loved him. At 7:00 she woke me to tell me he was gone.
It's so hard seeing your best friend in the world leave you. But, I'm glad he's at peace. He died exactly the way we hoped he would (in his sleep and on his own). It's going to be hard to adjust to life without him, but he kinda gave us a head start when he decided to withdraw and be by himself. I wish there was more we could've done for him (e.g. dialysis, a transplant, anything!). But, at the same time, I know that if it weren't for us caring for him, he wouldn't have lived to see New Year's. I'm proud of my Broey for being such a trooper!
When you think about it, it's silly to cry over his body because there's nothing in it that matters anymore. It's just the shell, the exoskeleton. He's no longer burdened by any of it anymore, and I'm glad. I'll miss seeing it everyday, but I know I'll see him again eventually and he'll be young, happy, and free! I'm sure he and Mini have already started playing together and reminiscing. I feel so lucky to have had almost 18 years to spend with him! He was my very first cat. I was nine years old when we got him. Nine! The pet shop we bought him from doesn't even exist anymore (and the mall it was in may as well not exist, either.) :)
He had a wonderful life and was loved beyond his own ability to comprehend. I love remembering how he purred whenever I looked at him. I used to come home from school everyday and race my brother to be the first one to hold him. I remember when he spent 2 days stuck up a very tall tree, and I camped out underneath it until a climber came to get him down. (He slept for 3 days straight after that and never went up another tree again!) I loved holding him up and making him stretch as long as possible, garnering the nickname "Super Long Stretchy Kitty." I miss watching him chase that wind up spider down the stairs in our old house. I remember my Grandpa leaving our house and getting halfway home before realizing he had crawled through an open window in his car. I remember how he loved being held so much, I was never able to unhook from from my arms. I love the way he used to sleep in that wooden doll cradle, just like a person--under blankets and everything! I could go on forever with this. I think I will, but only in my head. I'll close this entry now with a single thought: I love you Broey and look forward to seeing you again!