Friends Don't Let Friends Get Married During Football Season!

I had to play for a wedding today. I didn't know the couple, but my cousins' cousin Megan is just getting into the wedding planner business. She called me up a little over a month ago to ask me if I'd be willing to do it. They'd only set aside $50 for a pianist and were, expectedly, having trouble finding someone to do it. But, I said I would because I'm so nice (and I believe you should never be too good to help the little people out!). Of course, I checked the football schedule first to make sure there wasn't a home game that day. The game was at Kent State, so I said sure I'll do it, no problem. I've played weddings before and usually had a good time doing them. I've discovered though that you have to choose your venue carefully. So many churches have so many inane rules that come with them! For instance, at the rehearsal for this wedding, I was going over the ceremony with the "church lady" (whatever her position is called) and asked about pausing between the bridesmaids' entrance and the bride's entrance. She said there wouldn't be a pause because the priest has a rule against it. Apparently, he doesn't want the wedding to turn into some big pageant for the bride and it become "her day." I found that quite...disturbing. Offensive, even. So I said to her, "Well, maybe it's not the priest's decision." She just shrugged as if to say, "What can you do?" (Note to self: Get married at city hall where there's no other people involved in the ceremony except the ones really that matter!)

When I was younger, I always thought I'd have a December wedding and give it a nice Christmas-y theme. Well, I've discovered recently that fall/winter weddings are a bad idea. Why? If you want people to actually want to go to your ceremony or reception, either hold it during the off-season or have it in a bar with satellite access to all sports chanels. Sounds silly, right? No, believe me, that's how it is with nearly everyone I've met! Expample: at a wedding I went to back in Jr. High, my friend snuck a tiny TV in with him so he could plug it into an outlet and watch the playoffs. Before long, there were more people interested in the game than in the wedding! Also, my family was invited to a wedding this year (a distant cousin that my aunt was officiating for) and it just happened to fall on the same day and time as BGSU's first home game! It was bad enough having to wait until October 1 for a home football game, but to have to wait even longer would've been unbearable. So, we decided to politely decline, then take our season tickets and cheer for our 2005 falcons!

BG's fallen on some instability lately. With Omar out with a separated shoulder, and a seemingly invisible run defense, we've lost our last 2 games....both at home!! That doesn't happen! We don't lose at the Doyt! Especially to teams with losing records.

My point? Mom and Dad (their confidence in our team shaken) decided at the last minute to go to the Kent game and stay the night at my aunt's house, then stop by Primanti Bros. in Pittsburgh on the way home the next day. I would've loved to go with them just to personally observe how we recovered from 2 devastating home losses. But, I already had a prior engagement now. Bummer.

Oh, by the way, my mom and I went to another one of those "Falcon Football for Women" dinner's at Cucina di Betto (my fave local Italian restaurant!), where we met the QB's coach, RB's coach, plus 2 of our QB's (no Omar) and 2 young but promising RB's. At these things, we usually eat some food, drink wine from the cash bar, and have a Q & A with coach Brandon and whomever is also there that night. The questions range from typical women questions, like "How are you guys from the south dealing with the winters up here?" to more technical stuff like our new punt formation and the hand signals for a 9-speed option to the right. At the end, they had a raffle for door prizes, and I ended up winning 2 tickets to the Toledo game!!

So, yeah, as I was saying: Mom and Dad left this morning for Kent State and asked me if I could please drive up to Southwhyck mall to pay a couple Dillard's bills, a Victoria's Secret bill, and an Express bill. They were due tomorrow and Mom and Dad probably wouldn't be back in time to do it themselves, so I said sure. I decided to get that over and done with that morning so I could just come home after the wedding and watch the rest of the Kent State game. I figured, with the wedding at 2, I should probably leave at 11 so I could be back around noon, get ready, and be at the church at one to start playing at 1:30.

First hitch: Kirby got into the trash. So, I had to clean that up, and it wasn't easy because she'd chewed up a.....um, used feminine product. That required the vacuum! I finished getting ready and 5 minutes later, she did it again! I had to clean it up AGAIN, then I left at 11:20. Life was all fine and dandy on my way up there. When I stepped inside Dillard's, my eye immediately went to the sale rack. I knew I didn't have a lot of time to shop, but I saw a shirt that would've been perfect to wear to the wedding! I grabbed it, then saw a 3-piece suit that would've gone great with the shirt. Eh, I could try it on real quick. I change very, very fast!

I loved them! So, I went to go pay for them, and the bills. My Dillard's account had been closed for a while, but I had just gotten a letter from them saying they were going to reopen it, since I'd been so good lately about paying my bills on time. This, I decided, would be my well-earned reward! Well, I had to wait in the line while a lady paid for several pieces of lingerie. She seemed to be taking forever! Finally, I paid both bills, and had the cashier ring up my clothes. I swiped my card: denied. I swiped it again: denied. She entered the numbers manually: denied. Finally, she called up to the help desk. She asked me for my ID, gave the person my name and zip code, then was put on hold. Then, she put me on the phone. I gave her my name, phone number, zipcode, got put on hold, and finally said "Screw it!" and hung up. I asked if I could use my parents' card, since I had just paid their bill for them. They had to cancel the sale, take out the statement (with the barcode on it) and ring it all up again.

It was a little after noon then. I ran down to Victoria's Secret and found a sales associate, smiled politely and said hi, then went up to the counter. But she was gone! She just completely disappeared on me! I looked around the store for a minute, trying to find her. Finally, she popped her head back up and took payment. I asked if I could pay my Express bill there, too, since they're owned by the same company and even have the same address on the billing envelopes. She said no, I had to go to Express. So, I ran next door to Express. I ran up front to the registers and was almost there when I got cut off by 2 young girls giggling and chatting as they calmly laid their stuff up on the counter. The other cashier was busy gabbing with her customer as she folded up her clothes. When that person left, there was a mother and her young daughter in line ahead of me, and they started gabbing with her, then the cashier asked if they had an Express account and would they like to open one. AUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!

At the other register, the 2 girls were still there trying to decide on what to buy. The one was apparently torn on whether to buy green khakis or tan khakis. Her friend ran back to grab a pair in green so she could compare them, then she turned to me and asked, "Which ones would you buy?" I wanted to say, "Lady, I don't give a shit, just pick one so I can pay my frickin' bill and get the hell outta here!" But, I just said, "I don't really care either way," and tapped my foot, pointedly. It was 12:40 now, and I still had to drive home, change, grab my music, and drive to the church! When I finally got up to the register, I was nearly in tears as I told the cashier I was in a huge hurry because I had a wedding I was playing for and it had already been such a stressful day with delay after delay, etc. She was like, "Oh, I'm so sorry! But don't stress, it'll only make it worse!" I asked her if I could change my clothes in one of their fitting rooms, and she said, "Sure, go for it! Whatever you need to do!"

So, I changed into my new suit (and did it without even taking my boots off!) then ran like hell out to my car, tore out of the parking lot, and drove like Dale Jr. back to the highway, all the way home. Fortunately, I got a lot of green lights. Unfortunately, I was driving through a lot of speed-trap towns, like Haskins. On route 64, I got behind an elderly couple who were only going 45, so I floored my pedal and swerved around them, leaving them in my dust as I sped down the road at 70 mph. I had to be careful going through Haskins, so I slowed down to about 35 and prayed to God I wouldn't get stopped by a train. I made it home at 1:15, ran inside long enough to toss my bag of clothes on the chair, grab my books, and run right back out the door (saying a breezy hi and bye to Kirby as she wagged her tail with worried excitement). I had to pee like a racehorse, but didn't even have time to do that.

Again, I floored it to the church, hitting mostly green lights (thank you, God!) and made it there at exactly 20 after one! I saw Megan and her sister Jessica, then found the priest (Father Ed, he said he was called. I asked if him it was like Mr. Ed, but he either didn't get it or didn't feel like joking with me. Priests have no sense of humor!) I still had a few questions left unanswered from the rehearsal the night before. I wished I had a program so I could follow along to see where all those candle-lighting things were supposd to take place, but no one seemed to know where they were. So, Mr. Ed went through the ceremony with me, making little marks on his sheet. I asked him if he would let me know when they're ready to start the processional or if I should just start playing it right at 2. He said he'd give me a bit of a signal.

The thing was, the piano (even though it was lovely) was hidden behind a wall up on the stage, and it was impossible to see what was going on in the congregation without standing up, which wouldn't be convenient while I was playing. We'd decided during the rehearsal to just go by timing (that is, see how much of each song I had to play before everyone was up at the altar, and just end it there). For the groom's and bridesmaids' entrance, I was supposed to play "Air on the G String" (yes, that's really what it's called, and believe me, we made plenty of jokes about it with the football players Thursday night!). Well, the only music I had for that piece was my aunt's organ arrangement. So, I spent about 30 minutes that night notating my own little piano arrangement, including a modulation right into the Pachelbel Canon, since there wouldn't be any breaks in the processional.

But, anyway, I sat down at the piano and began to play right at 1:30. I started with "As the Deer" because it was the one I was the least comfortable with and wanted to get it out of the way before more people arrived.:) After that, I went into "Moonlight Sonata." (The bride, Brandy, and her mother had been to my house a couple times to listen to my suggestions and pick out the ones they wanted me to play, since they had no prior experience with wedding music, or music in general.) After "Moonlight" was another adagio movement of a Beethoven sonata ("Pathetique"--one of my favorites!) then I went into "All I Ask of You" from "Phantom," then "Jupiter" from the Symphony of the Planets by Holst. Those all went very well. After that, I had no other music except for "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring" for the entrance of the mothers and their lighting of the candle, but I still had about 10 minutes to vamp. So, I racked my brain for what to do next. I flipped through my recently-purchased Big Book of Wedding Music and found an old favorite: "Somewhere Out There." I had just sightread it the night before, just for fun. Well, I played it right then and there for the second time in my life. It went well! After that, it was almost 2 so I decided to go ahead with "Jesu" and hoped that everything would be ready to go by the time it was done. Right as I finished it up, Father Ed came up to me and said they were about ready to start, so I played it again, but only about halfway through. Then, he said "Please rise!" as if we were in the middle of a mass, and everyone gave some half-hearted response prayer before he announced the entrance of the bridal party.

I began "Air up in my G String", craning my neck every so often to see where they were in the processional. Well, doing that made me lose my place in the music, so I'd hesitate or make a goof as I tried to find my place again. Also, I had only gotten through the first 2 pages of the canon during rehearsal, so that's all I had laid out in front of me right then. The other pages were laying behind them, and for some reason, the processional took longer this time, so I had to move the pages around while I was playing and keep craning my neck to see if they were done yet! Oh, I made a mess of that piece. (I bombed the canon, if you will. Haha!) When it was over, I muttered to myself, "That did not go well!"

But, nuttin' to do about it now. I sat quietly as they had different readers come up, said some half-hearted "Lord hear our prayers" every so often, and had the bride and groom recite their vows. Mr. Ed even gave a little mini-sermon. (Where was I? A wedding or an actual mass?) After they exchanged rings, he gave me the signal to start "Ave Maria" for the unity candle. That's another funny piece, because I couldn't find any arrangment of it for piano solo, it was all vocal with piano accompaniment, so I had to figure out a way to play the melody with my right hand and the accompaniment with my left. It made it kinda interesting. I only played the first 2 pages of it, though, because that's all the longer it took to light the candle. Then, they were pronounced and were sent down the aisle to greet their family and friends. So, I started the recessional. Natural, right? Well, Mr. Ed turned back to me while they were doing that and said it wasn't time yet, they were just hugging their families. Oops! There's a new one!

Well, finally they came back to the altar, embraced in a rather racy kiss, and were sent back down the aisle. I looked over at Ed and gave a thumbs-up sign as if to say, "Now, right?" and began the recessional again. After that, I did one post-nup song (an arrangement of "Joyful, Joyful" which someone the night before told me was "kinda funky"). After that, I ran out to the foyer to find Brandy's mom so she could give me my check, then ran home to catch the game, now in progress and tied at 7 apiece! God be praised, BG won it 24-14!

Man, was it a stressful day! This was the 4th wedding I've played for. (Unless you count the time I operated the CD player for my cousin and her fiancé. Haha!) But, all the stress can be boiled down to one simple mantra that I think are words to live by, for fans and non-fans alike: Friends don't let friends get married during football season!

Write that down.